Jen and Sarah over at Momalom are sharing the blogland love in their own way with FIVE FOR TEN. Head here to find out more about the details.
I have been absent more or less for the last several months on my blog, since Steve and I faced further attack back in January from people we thought had made an exit from our lives I moved my blog. Just to make it harder for them to harass us but I kept it public and if they are really looking they will likely have no problem finding me. Last month my blog had approximately eleven people looking at it, two of them were Sarah and Jen. Sad in that I had developed a nice, loving and supportive Internet community and now I am in the position of starting over or giving it up.
It has been a mind numbing dilemma for me. I love documenting bits of our lives in this fashion. I love sharing with other moms, other women, other dads, other people with lives rich and interesting. I love passing around and receiving a little understanding. But I am also not so brave. I am feeling gun shy, courage is not a strength I possess. So linking up this week is a big step for me.
I have moments of courage. I protect my children. I fight for the best for my patients and their families. But even those things are conditional. I am so careful to be gentle with the other side to approach without attacking. My intentions are always good but sometimes they are not received that way. As people, human beings, we all have different ways of communicating: different languages, different expressions, different volumes, different ways of touching people. People are affected by so many things in their lives: money, sleep, food, love, anger, disappointment, hope, jealousy, experience. These different forms of expression can create barriers, walls which separate people into us and them, we and they. Those barriers so quickly become the basis for hate.
I need to believe that people are good. First of all good, that their hearts are full of love and possibility and most of all full of hope. Believing that leaves me hopeful to believe that we can overcome the differences in our ability to communicate which results in misunderstanding.
I believe that we can coexist, even when we don't understand each other. But it will take courage from all of us, to stand up with love in our hearts and approach each other with love and openness in our hearts, to let go of judgement and open up to caring and protecting one another. It takes courage to live without fear, it takes courage to love in the face of hate. It takes courage to forget about who is right, and accept that my story is different than yours.
I want to give you anecdotal evidence which will allow you to recognize this courage but today I don't have it in me, today I am not as able to share my story. But tomorrow, tomorrow I will find that courage to speak, to share, to open my heart again.
Today, today I will read and read and read some more for all the bloggers who have linked into five for ten and their posts about courage. From them I know I will find strength, from them I will see the possibilities of tomorrow. I feel so lucky to be a part of this community. Thank you Momalom, for bringing us together.
27 comments:
Thank you for stopping by my blog today so that I could have the chance to "meet" you. I applaud your courage in writing and tapping back into a community that seems to have meant a great deal to you. I hope this act of bravery on your part is rewarded with the support and sense of connection that I know I have come to find in blogging. Cheers to acts of courage, big and small!
It takes courage to expose yourself, especially when there are people out there from whom you need to protect yourself and your children.
There is a tough balance to strike between revealing too much and engaging with people in a community that is so supportive. I hope you can strike that balance.
I am glad you stopped by my blog and gave me access to yours.
Sometimes walking away requires the most courage of all. I'm so sorry you've had to do that, and I hope this courageous first step back into the blogging community helps you find the support and strength you need and deserve.
I have been there also, I'm lucky however I was just starting out . It still sucked. Don't give up.
Thank you for stopping by .
"It takes courage to forget who is right."
Wonderful post! Thank you - your words hit home for me. I am so glad I found you through Momalom. I look forward to more of your story.
Good for you for taking the first step. Each time it will get easier, and you will find the courage to tell your story.
Harassment is terrible. The fear and pain you most likely felt must have been unbearable at times. Your bravery is something that touches me.
I am sure that the fear is there every time you receive a new comment I just want you to know that if that person comes back, this community of women will give him or her hell. That's what friends are for.
We are still here...your fellow bloggers. Feel our support. It's wonderful. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say. I think why am I doing this? .but it is so nice to have a world out there to share with.
It takes courage.
It takes a village.
I can so relate - family conflicts are the worst.
Glad to "meet you" through Momalom and I hope to be back. You may have lost your community once but I can't think of a better way of building it back up than through Momalom's series. I met so many amazing bloggers here that it has inspired me every day (and kept me up late most nights too) :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog as well.
Blogging is an incredible outlet for me, and it sounds like it is one for you, also. I'm glad you're taking this little step back in to something you love--it seems that sometimes doing something for yourself is the toughest (and most courageous!) thing a person can do. Thank you for visiting my blog, and I look forward to reading more of yours.
Hurray for momalom for bringing us together. "It takes courage to forget about who is right, and accept that my story is different than yours." So simply put and SO TRUE. I am sitting here wanting to expound on this idea, but you've said it so fully that all I would be doing is repeating it. You are right on. I'm not sure if you meant "tomorrow" in a literal or figurative sense, but I am looking forward to reading your story. So glad to have found you!
Wow. What a powerful raw post about courage. And how courageous to admit you need to seek strength from other stories of bravery.
I have not thought much about my blog life being open to all kinds of people. I'm not sure why. I am curious as to your circumstances and when I hear these things, I think how horrible that some bad can so infiltrate all the good this community provides.
Thank you so much for reaching out today through this white space land....I'll see you along this Five for Ten journey.
:-)
Lee
Thank you for having the courage to open the door again to the blogging community.
I'm fairly new to the blogging community, but so far it has been an amazing resource.
I look forward to reading more from you.
It takes a lot of courage to open your heart. Especially when it's been shot down by people we trust.
Good for you for reaching out again. Sometimes that can be the hardest step.
Putting your life in the open through blogging takes so much courage. I'm happy you found the courage to take the first step back into blogging.
It is very brave of you to try again. And I so hope you continue because I've only just now "discovered" you and I want to read more!
I can only imagine how gun shy you must feel in light of your circumstances. I sincerely hope the support you get from fellow bloggers makes you feel safe again in the blogosphere.
You have some really powerful lines in this post, as several commenters have already pointed out. I love the idea of accepting different stories without judgement or hate. Just difference.
Looking forward to reading your future posts.
I admire your courage in stepping back out, and I'm glad you stopped by so that I could stop - and read - here.
I love that your post, in and of itself, was an act of courage. And I'm so glad I found your blog -- the title is awesome. I hope you will find away to reconnect with this community in the way that feels best for you. Looking forward to it.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I enjoyed your post. There are so many borders that hinder relationships. Many of those disappear in the blog world and we are brought together through words and emotions. I am sorry you've been harrassed. You do have courage. It took much courage for you to step back out there. One step at a time, and you'll feel like you can tell your story.
"I believe that we can coexist, even when we don't understand each other."
Yes, I agree, we can love even what we do not understand—the big giving and taking mystery that unites us all, but at a level beyond the consciousness we generally carry in this classroom of the soul.
I've just recently stopped cutting class and shooting spit-balls and not listening... and I mostly just don't want to have my head put in the toilet or get shaken down for my lunch-money.
So, thanks for finding the courage to show up here and, hopefully, find enough compassionate voices for you to steady your courage, heal and grow along with the rest of us.
Jung would say that the more conscious we can be of our own Shadow aspects, the less they show up in our lives. Tricky waters, because mean people must be accountable for their mean actions and choices.
I just think of Paul Newman in "Cool Hand Luke" getting up off the ground over and over—winning by refusing to give up, even if he cannot defeat the bully.
I say it's cool to be kind, and it's cool to cross paths with you in this kind context.
A wonderful post. I am glad that you took the leap and joined in. After what you've been through it really did take a lot of courage.
Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
I think sometimes courage is saying, "You know what? I don't have the strength to do this today." We think Bravery is about doing what we dont want to do, at any cost. About saying I can, when really, I can't. I think courage is to say, screw that. I know what is right for me and this is it. So bravo to you!
You might not feel brave, but you sure sound brave to me--it takes guts to put yourself out there when you've been burned. Glad you are undaunted, even if understandably gun-shy!
I know, we're so lucky Momalom brings us together is this incredible community! I'm so thankful for technology - the Internet and email and blogs - to connect with strong, inspiring women (and sometimes men).
Wow, this does take a lot of courage, to put yourself out there when the risk must feel quite tangible. Congratulations and admiration to you! Looking forward to more...
Shawna. You know that we LOVE you. (Even though it has taken me forever to get to your post! Five for Ten has taken on a life of its own...)
And here is why we love you. This paragraph, here: "I believe that we can coexist, even when we don't understand each other. But it will take courage from all of us, to stand up with love in our hearts and approach each other with love and openness in our hearts, to let go of judgement and open up to caring and protecting one another. It takes courage to live without fear, it takes courage to love in the face of hate. It takes courage to forget about who is right, and accept that my story is different than yours."
Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm so glad you joined us this time.
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