Happy Birthday to Me!

I have this old friend. With whom I communicate only rarely these days. We went to their wedding several years back but I don't know her husband. And we are both busy with work and family and life. So it goes. But every year, once a year for sure I think of her on April 22. Why? Because that is her birthday and because I have never known another person who took so much joy in celebrating that one day. She was excited about it for weeks in advance. She reminded everyone that her birthday was coming and when it came she was never disappointed. No matter what. She just took such great joy in a Spring day to celebrate her life. So every year I think of her with wonder, amazement and a little dose of joy. It is thrilling to me that memory. For a moment, each year, I am happy just for her, and that happy is contagious.

So contagious, that even though I dread getting older*, I will celebrate my birthdays whole hearted. No matter what they bring. I've experienced another beautiful year, I've learned hundreds of new things and I feel lucky to be alive. And even luckier to be healthy.

So today, I am celebrating with all abandon the parts of my life that make it so happy. My children. I will spend my day completely engaged with them. We will go to the toy store where I will buy my birthday gift for them. And we will play, inside and out. So today, even though there are a million things that I should be doing, I will do the things I want to do. The laundry can wait.

Later, when my children are ready for bed, the neighbour will come over to watch them while Steve and I head out for Thai food and time for just us. I am excited as my girlfriend was for the possibilities, no matter how they turn out. Celebrating these moments, these lives lived, that IS the meaning of life for me. That is why we are here.

*a little disclaimer: it's not really old that I dread but sick, and my life experience brings sick with old. So I dread but just a little and not for today!

Today

Yay for today! I celebrate life. I celebrate my family. I celebrate our happy home. I celebrate us. Yay for today!

The things that made me happy today: the flowers on my front step. And though they are almost gone, the white and purple lilac bushes on either side of my house. There are a few days each year where I LOVE leaving my house. LOVE the smell that greets us as we come and go. It's like a surprise for surviving winter. If I could give you this scent online I would share but a photo and your imagination will have to suffice.

The mail. I have eliminated most of the nasty mail through epost. So what arrives in our mailbox is joyful and happy. Today I got a birthday card from my sweet and ever young grandmother and July's National Geographic. Yay mail!

My children. Today Aidan said to Avery as he left the house for school, you let mom rest today so that she can get better. I have a cold, a little head cold. But I'm such a baby about it now because I don't feel like I ever have rest enough to let it heal. And Avery answered I will and meant it. Yay kids!

Steve. He cleaned my van earlier this week. Vacuumed up all the sand which just makes me plain, all out happy. Yay Steve!

The second last day of school. I love summer, love having my children together. Love what we accomplish as a family, the things we see and do and learn. It is so joyful that I can hardly begin to describe it. Yay summer!

Up, up and away

Go here to see the most beautiful children ever, inspiring you to invest in your life. And don't forget to stop and smell the flowers along the way. Life is good!

Nostalgia Creeps In

More weddings. I could probably go to a wedding every other weekend all summer and never tire of them. Celebrations of love usually followed by dancing. To not love weddings, well that's just sad, sad that something awful enough has happened to take the joy out of it for you, that or you're just a jerk.

I have a wedding story to tell. It's the story of a boy named Trevor. Trevor was this quiet boy. A gently giant who was always around. Someone who was in most places we were, inhabiting most spaces, quietly but surely. Trevor was the guy that we could depend on. The guy who would drive you anywhere in his giant boat sized car. The guy who would rescue you from any situation, the guy you could depend on being where he said he would be when he said he would be. The guy who made no excuses for being and who expected no excuses from us. He just was.

We routed for him. We all wanted him to find the right girl. But Trevor was always the quiet gentle giant. Not attracting attention and not looking for the spotlight. So girls overlooked him. It was never a situation of not wanting him or not liking him, just mostly not noticing him. Until there was Connie. The girl who noticed him. Like merciless teenagers we teased them, for matching. For matching in their quiet gentleness. We rarely heard a peep from those two. Never a mean word crossed their lips, as surely as it never crossed their minds. When they broke up several months later, just before the end of our time in high school, we were all a little surprised. All joked about how they would not be able to get by without eachother.

And yet they did. Get by without eachother. For many years. They dated other people, moved forward in other relationships. For many years. And then time found them together again, together at the right time, without other people to interfere and with the wisdom of age. A love that was still pure and sweet and innocent.



How thrilling to be able to share in their wedding day. Like a real fairy tale with a prince and princess ending. And their first dance to that song. The one that we all fell in love to in high school.

Steve and I moved away from them. Away from our highschool friends. Abandoned those relationships, though not entirely. Our lives changed. We grew up, bought houses, had babies, developed careers, changed careers, looked forward. But Trevor and Connie's wedding afforded us an opportunity. An opportunity to revisit our past lives and to be comfortable in our present lives. To visit with our old friends, whose lives have changed too, evolved. To know that the essence of some people never changes no matter the direction our lives have taken. To know that the warm fuzzy feeling that I have in my heart for these people is true and real for a reason. To begin to understand how good all these stages of our lives have been and how good they will continue to be as we move into watching our children become teenagers. Watching them fall in and out of love and someday being able to share in their wedding days too.

So extra special thanks to Trevor and Connie for sharing this day with all of us and a big shout out to our old friends who are whole stories, whole stories of lives lived. Thanks for sharing.

Tying up Loose Ends

As with all good things there are these moments that one must take in order to give credit where credit is due. So here it is, the places to which I owe graditude. A feeling of belonging in this world of blog and a feeling of connectedness in this journey of parenthood.

Exciting news from PapaTV: his latest project is up and running. CHEERUPNATION is a feel good website, in these uncertain moments, when we all need a reminder about why we are here, we are letting the kids tell our stories, letting them be our heroes. My family is participating so you need to check in to see pics of the cutest kids ever and some other pretty cute kids too.

I guest posted over at Coco's site since she wanted a little vacation and I really needed a tour on her rant boat. It's excessive and ranty. Consider yourself warned. And a big hello to the people who have stopped over here via Coco! Welcome!

And to my new friends, Sarah and Jen, two sisters who cowrite on their blog Momalom. I think I might have a little crush on these girls. They have the coolest relationship ever. Theirs is the relationship I dream of for my children. When I put my self out there and risked being misunderstood, they understood. In ways that people I have considered myself close to never have. It gave validation to my fears, as a mother of a son. Just go here to see what I mean.

The last loose end is to thank those of you who have continued to donate to my efforts last weekend to raise money for MS. A few donations have trickled in over the last couple of days, adding to my honour roll:
Dallas
Janelle
Diana
If you'd like to donate you can still go here until June 26. Please. And a great big THANK YOU!

I like to eat, eat, eat oranges and bananas

What I learned this past weekend: oranges and bananas are the best food ever. And it seems that no amount of sunscreen in the world could have saved me from the sunburn I am sporting. Also, I learned that I am able. Able to ride 183 km in the hot, hot, hot sun to raise money and awareness for MS. Able to push my body and to feel great about it.

The Rona MS Bike Tour from Leduc to Camrose and back was this past weekend. It was my first bike tour. But not my last. The event was amazing. 1650 riders with pledges totalling greater than 1.5 million dollars. It was well organized from the website sign up and pledge collections through the event itself. My friend, Chelsea picked me up at 6:15 am and we headed out to Leduc to prepare for the start of the tour. With 1700 people (Bike Marshals who rode to assist with the tour, help those who needed it, and generally make sure that the rules were being followed also joined the 1650 who collected pledges), it was a slow kick-off. After the prerequisite speeches and rule reminders (single file, no headphones) and the singing of Oh Canada, we headed out in groups of about 100 people at a time. Our United Cycle ladies team was near the back of the pack and we didn't get out of the gates until almost 9 am. The first check point was a much welcomed break after 19 km and the worst hill that we would face in the entire tour. It was there that I came to really understand the true spirit of the whole event. Riders were cheering each other on, volunteers were handing out oranges, bananas, and trail mix, refilling water bottles and passing out juice boxes and Gatorade. It was inspiring and uplifting.

From the first checkpoint until lunch was the toughest part of the whole tour for me. I was prepared for the sore butt and the tired legs, prepared for the exertion itself. But I was not prepared for the heat, most of my (little bit of) training was done in our cold Spring, heat had never been an issue. I was not prepared for the pain in my shoulders, between my shoulder blades was a sharp stabbing pain. And I was suffering from the usual mess of allergies...cycling past a beautiful horse ranch and then sitting on grass for lunch did not agree with my already allergic self. Here is my first plug for United Cycle: the team checked my bike, adjusted my seat and discovered that they didn't have the tool that they needed to cut down my handle bars. My handle bars were much too wide for my narrow shoulders. So they advised me that they would take care of my handlebar problem at the finish line of day one and that I should ride with my hands placed as far inwards as possible. Damn, those guys know their bikes. The rest of the day went with much less pain, having taken their advice.

After lunch, knowing I was more than halfway and knowing that dehydration played a role in my earlier discomfort, I took it a little easier. Drinking more water and allowing myself to take a good long rest at the last checkpoint before riding into Camrose. Riding through the town of Camrose to get to the exhibition grounds was the longest part of the day. Riding on the highway is so joyful, I felt like I was flying, but riding through town, stopping for lights, cars and pedestrians was not so joyful and frustrating when I knew I was so close to the end. I was really proud of myself when I reached the finish line.

The event was so well organized. I picked up my bag from the storage place where it was stacked and labeled by rider number. I could have dropped my bike into the storage facility too but the United Cycle (plug number two) team had taken it to cut down my handle bars and were going to keep it loaded in their trailer overnight. And then I had the choice of heading over to the beer gardens, over to the rider's village where each team had their own tent, over to the amazing portable shower system or over for a free massage. That's right: free massage: masseurs & masseuses who had volunteered their skills to take care of the riders! I didn't get a massage, didn't feel that I desperately needed one any more than I needed to shower, eat and sleep. So I showered and then hung out with my friend, also named Shawna, who is amazing in her own right.

Shawna is the friend that encouraged me to do the bike tour with her. The friend who thought she wouldn't be able to ride this weekend because of sickness but managed to pull through and be on the road with me on Saturday morning. She and her husband graciously invited me to stay with them in their fifth wheel so I didn't have to sleep in a tent or find other accommodations. They are amazing. Truly amazing. And because of them I felt strong and capable and I got a great night's sleep so that I could start the Sunday in the best condition possible. Shawna is faster than me on her bike, has muscle memory that I will take years to build from riding as much as she does. But she graciously waited for me at each stop to make sure that I was alright and able to continue. And she road the entire last leg of the race with me so that we could finish together. She is a rock, and this weekend she was my rock.

Shawna and I got an early start on Sunday morning, starting out about 15 minutes before the official start. Knowing that I was slow and that the weather was going to be hot, we opted to take advantage of the cooler morning weather as much as possible. It was a good choice for me, good that we didn't do the first leg in the midst of a large crowd and good that we were more than half way done before the heat got too bad. The United Cycle team (plug three) had shortened my handlebars and changed out my saddle. The change in the handlebars was night and day, I didn't experience any back pain on Sunday because of that but the changed saddle did not sit well with me so at lunch they replaced it with my old saddle. Those guys rock. I can't say enough about them.

I had a little problem at the last checkpoint. My pannier had lost a bolt on the gear side of the bike and slipped down into the gears. I feel lucky that it happened at the checkpoint. A bike Marshall stopped to look at it and then the United Cycle team (plug four....go United Cycle!!) replaced the bolt and did a quick check to make sure that I hadn't damage the gears. Good to go.

My little family met me at the finish line and after Steve loaded up my bike and gear, headed off to the barbeque. I had expected to feel hungry at this point but not so much. Just exhausted from the heat. And completely proud of myself for finishing.


One last note: I couldn't have done it without you. Without those of you who pledged me on this ride and those of you who just plain encouraged me through the whole ride. Thanks so much. You mean the world to me.

Here is my honour roll:

Steven
Shawna
Jason
Heather
Mom and Dad
Astrid
Lisa and Andrew
Auntie Deb and Uncle Joe
Olann
Angela
Annette
Shawna D.
Sonya
Aunt Amanda
Auntie Penny
Auntie Winnie
Diana
Joleyn
Barbara
Carrie
Moon
Rae
Auntie Betty

Together we raised $790. You are all heroes in my books!

Training

I promised that I would post about my training for the MS bike tour which I am participating in this coming weekend. With only two more days to prepare, I feel it necessary to come clean: TRAINING? what training? It can hardly be called training. I am able to ride about 25 km easily but then I run out of light and need to be home. Many nights, I have just been too dragged out by work, soccer, and school stuff for the kids to even get there. I have plunked my butt on the exercise bike that my girlfriend lent me less than half a dozen times and on that I am bored and thinking of all the things I need to do around the house in less than half an hour. So I can hardly call it training. Hardly claim to be prepared for the undertaking.

I am geared up. United Cycle outfitted me with a Trek Bike. My very first bike as an adult that actually fits me, was actually bought and sized for me. I can't even begin to describe how much I love it. It is light and easy to ride. I have good bike shorts and have purchased a gel pad for my seat and so far it seems to be working at least for the less than one third of what I will do per day on the weekend. I have spent a fair amount of time figuring out how to gear up and gear down to prepare for hills and I have managed only to lose my chain once. I have purchased clipless pedals because I think I would love them, would love being tightly snapped into place on the big downhills, but I haven't put them on the bike yet and now I won't do it before the weekend, not enough time to learn how to screw in and out before the ride.

Yesterday I got the sad news that the friend I will be riding with is quite sick and doesn't think she will be able to participate in the ride. I am sad, but not worried, it's not really a team sport and though it would have been fun to encourage each other, I will be fine on my own. The plan is changed slightly: without the training I had hoped to have done by this point I will be taking it slow. Taking whatever breaks I need to get through it and still be able to look at my bike on day two. I will not be breaking any speed records. BUT since I've never done a tour of this length, I have no record to break.

On a personal gain level, I have taken off a little more than ten pounds now. I am fitting into my old jeans and tops but both would look nicer with another ten pounds dropped. I'd like to credit it to cycling but I think it is more fair to say that being done breastfeeding is the real reason. I am no longer wracked with hunger like I am when breastfeeding. And when I eat less, I weigh less. Funny how that works.

I am excited. Happy about the time I will have over the weekend to concentrate on the event and happy about the $600 I raised for the MS society. A special thank you to all of my donors. Your encouragement and donations will carry me to the end of the ride! And thank you to Chelsea for the exercise bike that I didn't really use and for the ride to the starting point on Saturday morning. Post ride update sometime next week. Don't hold your breath though, I may not be able to sit down on my really sore ass long enough to write a post.

Wedding Full

I can't help it: I love weddings. What's not to love? Love, love and more love. A couple's love for one other, shared with all the people that are important in their lives. Kissing and dancing. Sometimes singing and poetry. Parents proud that their children have grown into such amazing people and that they have partnered with another amazing and interesting person. Smiles, flowers and mmmmmm, CAKE!

And I married Steve, who loves weddings, quite possibly even more than I do. Who is infected with the love in the room. Who wants to dance and sing his life away. Who is fun to the core. And we had babies, who've turned into perfect young people, and who we've discovered love weddings as much as we do.

I'm not a particularly private person. I believe that what makes the world work is sharing. Sharing our lives, our hopes, our dreams. Crying together and smiling together and sharing our love together. That's what makes weddings so darn magical.

When Steve and I were planning to wed, we had many conversations. Conversations that involved planning, for our wedding and more importantly planning for our lives together. In the beginning, I felt the big wedding unnecessary. That what we shared so strongly was between us and that it didn't matter, wasn't important to the outside world. I suggested a wedding with only our parents. But Steve couldn't imagine getting married without his brother, and his grandparents, and slowly it grew. Grew to include all of the people who we felt touched by in our lives and who touched our parents and made them strong. A wedding was born. I have no regrets. Alright, maybe just one: I wish I had searched harder and really found my dream dress instead of settling for that which fit and which was affordable. (The side story is short: I bought it through the Bargain Finder. My criteria were simple, I couldn't afford a lot of alterations, and the dress had to come from a couple who were still together, a couple willing to part with a dress because it was not the marriage, just a dress, when I found just that, I didn't hesitate. I wish now I had even considered my mom's dress more seriously, the dress that my grandmother made her. That's enough side story).

Now marriage, that's a little more private. It doesn't need to be on display for everyone to share in. Though it does give us strength, it does make us the people that we are and it allows us to reach outside and spread more love around. It's details do not need to be shared. Except to say that what is perceived from that outside is not necessarily what is happening on the inside. That judgement should be reserved. And even then some of our stories, they need to be shared, to give people hope, to give people reassurance, and to keep one another from the loneliness that could so easily haunt us.

We were so lucky to share in a wedding this past weekend. One that was FULL, full to the brim with love and magic and sharing. Thank you N & K, for sharing it with us all and for lifting us up with your happiness, your hopes, your dreams and your love.